Transforming Your Patterns

Transforming patterns of behavior, thought, belief. Functionally: difficult. Conceptually: easy. Paradox? Maybe. Our brain reverses concepts on the abstract level more easily than we change our habits of action. Momentum v. inertia.

War. Peace. Sex. Chastity. Pollution. Purity. Violence. Love. Abstinence. Indulgence. Life. Death. Order. Chaos. Vulnerability. Protection. 

We cast the ideas behind these words as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ when the Truth stands out: everything has a place in everything. No thing has an inherrant good or bad to it: it is our own attachment to the outcome that imbues it with these qualities. That is not to say that ‘good’ and ‘bad’ don’t exist; it simply means that good and bad are relative terms, existing in the context of the unique perspective of the observer.

When we see this Truth, we become free from dogma; tradition for its own sake, law and order for its own sake, become empty structures. We can appreciate the chaos that facilitates creation and be at peace with nature and ourselves.

Some people might think this implies an immorality, an excuse to behave in whatever way our bodies tell us. We do not give up our free will when we practice non-attachment. We do not give up our full enjoyment of any pleasurable experience. Morality and ethics are transformed from “What does my creed tell me to do?” into “What effect am I causing in the world around me?”

In essence, we can focus on what vibrations we are sending out. If our vibrations hurt those around us, we then have the power to change those vibrations, our actions, and the effect we are having on the world around us. We become fully empowered to create our own reality.

In the process of stepping out of my past, defining myself as the Being-ness that I am, the past has tried to cling to me. Dreams of my late grandmother and her house have haunted me this past month. The house I grew up in, the common denominator of my young life as my family relocated, is not an altogether happy place in my mind. It’s a place of waiting, being fenced in, exploring inner worlds as the only ones open to me. I dream of being trapped there, trying to escape only to find myself there again the next night or the night after. The Goddess, and speaking to me through dear friends and books, helped me to stop my struggle against these messages trying to come through. I needed to step back from my social circle, momentarily, to look inward. What was my past trying to tell me?
To me, personally, detaching from my past has meant a denial of that past. At times, I have wanted to erase everything about myself and start over. This simply is not possible. All the things “about me” are irrelevant whether or not I deny them or not, and denial is a continuation of my relationship with my past, and who I have thought of as “Who-I-Am” is really not me at all: just a collection of stories and statistics about me.
Many of us carry the marks of a hurtful family legacy by engaging in patterns of thought and behavior that uphold the pattern. An object in motion tends to stay in motion: thoughts and actions, too. If thoughts become things, I affirm every day to heal and forge something new.
Every morning I woke up from these haunting dreams, I would wake up to the reality of being some place else. I live in a place of my choosing, with objects I have chosen to surround me, for my health or detriment. I can choose to detach from this stuff, and appreciate those things that serve me – and in the end, everything serves my highest and best. Even difficult experiences (and sometimes especially) are valuable teachers. As always, you are welcome to leave your thoughts here. Have you worked with non-attachment in your life?

Falling In Love

The first time I read the cards for my husband, he wasn’t my husband yet. He had just begun to fall in love with me, and I was already putting up a fight against the notion that he could possibly be the one I would spend the rest of my life with. At that time, I reassured myself I would soon find and marry the man who I dreamed would bring out the best in me, but my dream did not align with the person falling for me before my eyes, with every word I spoke, as though I cast a spell on him. I will not count the ways he differed from my vision of the perfect husband, but I will say I kept myself from falling in love with him by faultfinding and simply closing my heart to him. He saw me for who I was and accepted me; a recognition fired between our souls, something people search for over decades and sometimes never open themselves up to at the same time. I kept telling myself he was just another guy who had fallen for me, and I was just his way of filling the hole in his spirit. No matter how many times I told myself that, it didn’t feel right.

The first reading I gave him pointed to me as changing his life. I tried to say the cards referred to someone else, another Queen of Wands who would light the fire of achievement in him and help him reach his full potential in life, but not me. He knew I was bluffing. If I had been entirely honest to him and myself, I would have thrown down my emotional armor then and there to leap into his arms.

A year and a half after this reading, my subconscious mind finally sent me the clearest message; I dreamed about my husband three nights in a row.

He wasn’t the first person I had a sense of presence with, but he is the first I ever dreamed about in that way. He’s not going to be the last person I fall in love with, but he’s the only person I have found so far that I can see myself growing old with. His love is the sweetest because we have continuous moments of recognizing our higher selves in each other, when our minds fall away and we bask in each other’s presence. Our relationship only becomes stronger as we share this presence with other people and fall in love with the world around us.

Have you ever felt another person’s true presence, where the chatterings of the mind fall away, and you look into each other’s eyes and see the awareness within them, and you feel they are sensing the awareness within you?

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