Shame is the Shadow of Love

Have you ever thought about how the Lovers and the Devil card are connected through Numerology? 15=6 when distilled to its numerological value, so when refined through the trying fire, the Devil card leads to the Divine Union described by the Lovers, by facing us with the suffering we do unto ourselves by clinging to our attachments yet hating ourselves for it.

Then why, in the Royal Road of the Hero’s Journey, does the Fool meet the Lovers first, and not the Devil? The explanation may lie in our own development as children, in our relationship with our parents and all members of their generation, and how we see them engage in their loving relationship with each other. Mark Z. Danielewski wrote in House of Leaves, “The Angels of our childhood become the Demons of our maturity.” We define our world first by our parents, and as children they are our heroes. We create defense mechanisms as children to accommodate whatever life we’ve been born into. Later, any negative patterns passed on to us become our hangups, addictions, obsessions, blocks: our Demons. Only by confronting our personal Demons can we come into fullness of Understanding of the Lovers card: the Balance of Elements in Divine Unity. To confront the negative patterns about ourselves, we must return to the Source of Origins: the emergence into Humanity.

If we want true peace and harmony in our relationships, we must love our shadow, because we can only accept our partner as much as we accept our Self. We must transform the naivety of innocence into wisdom, while protecting that innocence. Love.

Mystic Monday: Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have been inspired by Martin Luther King, Jr.’s, legacy since my childhood. Ever since I was taught in school about who he is, what he believed, and what he accomplished in his life, I have felt a calling to pursue his same dream. What this pursuit looks like for me is complicated. It’s hard to cope with the reality racist cultural programming as a white person who strives to act against racism. For a long time, I believed that I was different and stood apart from my cultural programming, but racism is endemic and affects everyone. I confused racism with prejudice and became angry when African American activists accused me of being a part of the racist system. I wanted so badly to prove them wrong.

I began to focus on unity, and the more I focused on unity, the more modern segregation became apparent to me. Popular culture still seeks to segregate us. It seems that any people of color in the media are stereotyped or white-washed, as though to convey that the only way to be accepted by mainstream culture is to become a parody of one’s heritage, or to try to be white. In response to this I seek to recognize the stereotypes and white washing, and actively seek out positive examples of diverse cultures that stand strong in their truth.

Now, I seek to stand in solidarity with others. I strive always to embrace the differences that make us unique and live in radical acceptance of others no matter their religion, ability, creed, color, background, sexual identity or orientation. We are all Divine.

Martin’s Big Words, written by Doreen Rappaport:

“I Have a Dream” by Yarden Children’s Choir

If Martin Luther King, Jr., were a Tarot card, I would place him as the Hierophant because he represents the ideal form of religious authority and how spiritual figures can inspire others to walk in righteousness and speak truth to power.

Falling In Love


The first time I read the cards for my husband, he wasn’t my husband yet. He had just begun to fall in love with me, and I was already putting up a fight against the notion that he could possibly be the one I would spend the rest of my life with. At that time, I reassured myself I would soon find and marry the man who I dreamed would bring out the best in me, but my dream did not align with the person falling for me before my eyes, with every word I spoke, as though I cast a spell on him. I will not count the ways he differed from my vision of the perfect husband, but I will say I kept myself from falling in love with him by faultfinding and simply closing my heart to him. He saw me for who I was and accepted me; a recognition fired between our souls, something people search for over decades and sometimes never open themselves up to at the same time. I kept telling myself he was just another guy who had fallen for me, and I was just his way of filling the hole in his spirit. No matter how many times I told myself that, it didn’t feel right.

The first reading I gave him pointed to me as changing his life. I tried to say the cards referred to someone else, another Queen of Wands who would light the fire of achievement in him and help him reach his full potential in life, but not me. He knew I was bluffing. If I had been entirely honest to him and myself, I would have thrown down my emotional armor then and there to leap into his arms.

A year and a half after this reading, my subconscious mind finally sent me the clearest message; I dreamed about my husband three nights in a row.

He wasn’t the first person I had a sense of presence with, but he is the first I ever dreamed about in that way. He’s not going to be the last person I fall in love with, but he’s the only person I have found so far that I can see myself growing old with. His love is the sweetest because we have continuous moments of recognizing our higher selves in each other, when our minds fall away and we bask in each other’s presence. Our relationship only becomes stronger as we share this presence with other people and fall in love with the world around us.

Have you ever felt another person’s true presence, where the chatterings of the mind fall away, and you look into each other’s eyes and see the awareness within them, and you feel they are sensing the awareness within you?

image credit: http://www.leehansen.com/clipart/Holidays/Valentine/images/heart-o-hearts.gif